In 1998 I moved to the city. I use to live in a country inbetween two very small towns. I was anorexic at the time. I was anorexic the whole senior year of high school. I was very depressed girl. I thought getting thinner would make me happy. Sorry to say it didn't. It never did.

I started scratching on my arm and I was so depressed at the time I wanted to hurt myself. I went into the mental health center for the first time. This was a strange place for me.

I didn't believe at the time. I went to church butit was a something I did every Saturday or Sunday. Being in a pet store doesn't make you a dog same as going to church doesn't make you a beleiver.

Then I went to occupational therapy. This was new to me. All I have ever made in my life is pillowcases, rugs and doilies with help from my aunt. I didn't know anything other than that.

I found out I was a natural. I loved doing this stuff. I worked with wood, ceramic & suncetchers. I did this after I was out of the hospital a very little bit.

The more I went the more I did. It was the only thing I liked about the mental health center after I had to switch to a county hospital which was a bad hospital. Anyway the stuff Imade looked so great. It is like a professional did it. My neighbor was shocked that I made a special item I made for my Mom. It was a cow color welcome sign.

I would go into the mental health hospitals a lot. I always say it was more than I could count them on my fingers and toes. I thought it was even safe in a hosptal even thought that county hosptal I was in wasn't safe becasue a man almost killed himself and people have died there. My bipolar went nuts. I even tried drugs, a addiction I had, to calm the bipolar down.

I was doing many types of self-abuse. The Choking game, cutting even banging my head and fist into walls and tables. It always felt when I did the head banging on the table it felt like someone was holding my head back from hitting it hard. I know now it was God doing that. He had a plan for me I just didn't know it at the time.

When I was out of the hospital I would do crafting rarely. My bipolar was still raging. My Mother had tears all the time. I said no one cared including my Mom. That hurt her bad. She cried many times. She didn't sleep much when I was gone. I got some memory loss due to the mental illness which I call my "bipolar haze".

After many years in and out of the hospital I decided to stay out. Then we switched church. We where catholic and switched to non-denominational chuch. I met this one lady who was teaching a class that I was in who was teaching about verses in the bible.

My Mom was praying for me to turn to God. God answered her prayers. I found God and after we switched church I got baptized on October 16, 2005.

After that insanity God gave me a great gift. He gave me a gift of crafting. I do craft quite a bit now. I love it. It is like a meditation for me and through what I am doing I think of God and his son Jesus who died for me and everyone else in the world.

Now I do my crafts for christmas presents and now I'm starting to make stuff for organizations I believe in. I love doing it. God gave me the gift and I plan on using it for God!!! God love me so much. Even in the middle of my insanity he showed me love. He showed me the peace and happiness I always wanted.

I didn't happiness from eating disorders or metnal illness or the choking game or cutting or kocking my head and/or hand on stuff or lying or drug addiction. None of them. I found that only from God. God is my Father. The only father who has ever loves me and never will abuse me. I can't wait to give him a hug. He has given me a hug so many times and to give him one will be a great joy to me.

I still get tempted by satan. I have satan tempting me and God's morals and values trying to point me the right way. I listen to God more now. Hey, I am not perfect!!! There was a time that God's voice was as whisper and satan who is tempting was screaming at me. Nowit is the other way around.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!!